In June of 2022 and I had just turned 55. I had blown up yet another relationship with an amazing woman by cheating on her. I chose to do this with a “trauma bonded partner” yet again. This was something I had done in the past almost like clockwork, like I was watching someone else take over and tear down my life yet again, and I was powerless to stop it, or to change my behaviors.

In my despair and anguish, I called my mother, and sobbed, moaned and screamed “What happened to me?! Why am i like this?! What is wrong with me?!” Her first answer was “I don’t know, you had a good childhood”. A few days later I received an email from my older sister explaining all of the “lost years” (No memories) and what the first seven years of my life looked like. This not only started me down a path of reconnecting with my Mom and my older sister, but more importantly, to reconnecting with my deeply wounded inner child.

I thank God for that day, because it set me on the path to freedom from addiction, hurting myself and others, and to learning how to love and reparent myself. Did I change overnight? Um, Fuck NO! It took time, lots of learning, re learning, going to 12 step meetings, making mistakes and getting back up again until I learned how precious and wonderful I am at my core. Its a deep process that takes what it takes.

But, If I did it, YOU CAN TOO! And YOU ARE WORTH IT